Hello guys, I know that I have not written or posted anything in quite a while, yet that is starting to get normal for me. Anyway, let us get into it…
Over the past week or so I have actually felt… normal. I was not anxious or depressed and just felt like my normal self. Really, I believe it is because it is that time of the month (sorry for the weirdness, but I promised to be honest). The thing is, in that short time of feeling normal and not being depressed or anxious I completely forgot about my depression. I was just so busy that I thought it was normal to feel like that because for most people it is. For that short time, it was like my depression and anxiety did not exist.
Now that that time is ending and is almost over I am a bit scared because I do not know if when I am depressed if it will be me being overwhelmed or me not being able to feel. Both are bad, but to be honest I would prefer not being able to feel, just because I usually do not have anxiety and it interferes with my job less. And, I know that it sounds so weird to talk about depression in this way, but whatever. Right now I have a bad cold and am just writing whatever I think, so this is how I am describing it. I know this is obviously not as good as some of my other blog posts, but honestly, I do not even care right now, but really I do.
Isn’t it funny how we tend to say one thing when we mean something else? Obviously, we do not do it all of the time, but even just the fact that we do it sometimes is interesting. We say that we are “fine” when we are usually not. We tend to say “It’s okay” when clearly it is not. Why? Well, I want everyone to think that I am okay, whether I am or not because I do not want to be a burden. Also, I do not want people to think that I am weak. I want them to think that I am cool or talented, but most of the time and deep down it is because I do not want people to worry and because I do not think that it is a big deal.
Anywase, 2018, new resolutions, more pressure not to fail, and a whole bunch of new surprises, both good and bad. I will post more later, but for now, farewell.