Sometimes I just feel like I am too self-aware to really be sick. But I don’t know. I just do not feel like I am sick enough. Like, I can’t self-harm more often because of the fear of people finding out, and then I can never get help because no one ever finds out. I just feel like I am not bad enough yet. Like, for example, I feel like I really want to kill myself, but I know that, unless I am in the right circumstance, I won’t actually act on those feelings. I know my mental illness is serious, but I just don’t feel like it is serious enough.
I guess it is not serious enough because I am not to the point yet where I 100 percent do not care and I am not to the point where I am so desperate where I have no other choice than to not care. So, I guess I am not there yet.
I am not bad enough.
I want to cry out for help, but I want someone to hear, not for it to be the end.